Never leave me
by TheUsagi1995
Summary: 1-Shot. Tag to S02E10. My 1st work in this fandom! Please be gentle! Malec! Alec can't find Magnus when he is looking for him and his fear of losing him forever takes the best of him. Panic engulfs him and he fights to breathe. Good thing Magnus' keen eyes spot him in time. Comfort, comfessions, and a kiss follow. Warning! Panic Attack Trigger! Rate M for safety.


**_A/N!_** _**What can I say... This is my first try on a Malec fic. I love them, so even though I haven't really watched the show, I wrote this... Please be gentle, I know it's not all that good...**_  
 _ **Still, I hope you will enjoy! A/N!**_

* * *

 _ **FULL SUMMARY:**_

 _ **Episode tag to Season 2 Episode 10 "By The light of dawn"**_

 _ **1-Shot. First work in this fandom!**_

 _ **Alec can't find Magnus when he is looking for him, after the battle is over and his fear of losing him forever takes the best of him. Panic engulfs him and he fights to breathe... Good thing Magnus' keen eyes spot him in time...**_  
 _ **Comfort follows, along with a comfession of love, and a passionate kiss...**_

 _ **WarningS:**_

 _ **1)Mentions to season 2 episode 10.  
2)Established relationship  
3)Established Alec/Magnus  
4)Depiction of a PANIC ATTACK. PLEASE, IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED, AVOID READING IT.**_

 _ **5)Implied/Referenced sexual activities, but nothing too graphic**_

 _ **6)Kisses and Hugs**_

 _ **7)It's my first work in this fandom and I haven't even watched all the episodes of the series. I just loved Malec so much and I was thrilled to write something! But please, please be gentle...**_

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 _ **I repeat, there is a panic attack depicted. Please, if it triggers you, avoid reading it.**_

 _ **I do not own any of the characters. No money is made by this.**_

 _ **So, off we go! Hope you'll enjoy!**_

* * *

"Never Leave me..."

Alec had known fear. He had felt it before, albeit only a handful of times. He knew the feeling well, nonetheless. He knew and hated the way his knees seemed to give out on him, he despised the way his breathing would quicken and it would then become shallow, causing his head to throb and his vision to blur. He couldn't stand the way his hands, which were supposed to be always steady, would shake and would not obey his commands. Yes, Alec Lightwood, was no stranger to fear. But never, not once in his life, had he felt such surmounting terror running through his veins. It was clenching around his heart, squeezing it, threatening to break it to pieces. Because Alec knew he had no reason to keep going, if Magnus was dead.

* * *

At the sheer thought, a shiver shock his body to its core. No, no, no… Alec was screaming inwardly, screaming with all his might. He couldn't lose Magnus, not now, not like this. He couldn't lose the one person who had given him the courage to stand up to his family, the one person who had taught him to not follow orders blindly, but to follow his gut. He couldn't stand to lose the one and only person, who had ever made him believe that he deserved to be loved. No, no, it wasn't supposed to be this way, it was all wrong… Alec felt his chest tightening dangerously, as he wandered around the endless corridors of the building. His eyes, blurry like the clouded night sky, were scanning the various rooms and hideouts, for any sign of the high Worlock of Brooklyn. But to no avail.

* * *

The young man could feel a lump forming in his throat, as his breathing became ever shallower. His hands were not his own to command anymore, they were shaking, like thin branches when the autumn wind swirls and slips in between them. It was a miracle that his knees still obeyed to his wishes, carrying him down the stairs. Once outside, Alec felt a cold breeze caressing his face, as well as the burning teardrops which had gathered on the corners of his eyes. His throat and lips were dry, and a part of him wondered when was the last time he had drunk water. He tried swallowing, but the spit did nothing to ease the burn he could feel creeping upwards within his throat. His blurry eyes scanned the entrance of the building and Alec felt all hope fading, when all he was met with, were unfamiliar, cold faces.

* * *

No… No, no, no… All breath left Alec's lungs and he tried to hide the uncontrollable shaking of his hands by clenching his fingers into fists. Magnus, Magnus, Magnus… The world started to spin, and the young shadowhunter could feel the earth caving in from under his feet. There wasn't enough air, and Alec was sure he was falling, there was nowhere and nothing to hold on to, no one who was there to catch him. No one would even care if the earth was to split open and he was to crumble down in the lowest pits of Hell. Because if Magnus was gone, then, who would be there to care if Alec were to just disappear and fade away? The young man growled deep in his throat and took a few unsteady steps to the side.

* * *

He nearly crushed on the nearby cold, scratchy, concrete wall. He grabbed fistfuls of the rough concrete, which in turn, tore the skin of his right palm open. Blood started dripping down Alec's inner wrist as well as, his inner forearm, dumping the sleeve of his black coat. But the young shadowhunter couldn't care less about that. He felt his knees shaking and he let out an agonizing gasp, which turned out to be a choked sob, as he fell on his knees hard and fast. He tried to take a hold of the wall, but his hold on it was so weak, he ended up tearing his palm open even more. The impact shook his body violently and Alec could only bring his trembling hands before his blurry eyes. They were bloody…

* * *

It was at that moment that Alec was sure, the earth had indeed caved in from under his feet. His breathing had turned into an agonizing whizzing, and his sternum was burning, as if someone was stepping on it, threatening to break his bones into pieces. He was falling, sinking in an ocean of blood and dirt and guilt, because Magnus was dead, he was dead and Alec was left alone, all alone… Suddenly, a hand gripped his upper arm, and through his long lashes, Alec could make out a figure kneeling before him, shading him, concealing him from the piercing and curious eyes of the strangers which were passing by. They were pausing to glance over their shoulder, at the poor boy who was struggling to breathe, yet none of them, paused long enough to come to his aid.

* * *

Alec felt the body of the stranger nestling closer to his own, he felt gentle hands taking a hold of his trembling upper forearms, but he refused to look up from the ground, for black spots had appeared before his blurry gaze. His ears were ringing, and everything around him was nothing more but white noise. "-der…" A muttered whisper reached his ears, but faded into nothing soon after, and to the young man it seemed as though a ghost had chanted incoherent whispers in his ears. "-ander, please-" There it was again, that ghostly, distant voice, calling him. "Please, Alexander-" The young man stirred then, jerking violently, at the sound of his full name. He tried to take in a deep breath, so as to scream to whoever was hovering over him that only Magnus could call him by that name, nobody else.

* * *

His tries were futile, however, for his throat was burning and the breath he tried to take in, felt sharp like the edge of a knife. He could hear a croaked, hoarse, almost incoherent word hanging in the air, but he couldn't make out who it was, who was uttering it, or what that word was. The young man felt tears streaming down his cheeks, and he moaned, sobbing and trembling. The very next second, he grabbed the front part of his coat, pressing his bloody fist on his sternum, shutting his blue eyes against the pain he was feeling. So lost Alec was in his own head, that he couldn't realize that the distant, hoarse cries, were coming from his own throat and they resembled Magnus' name…

* * *

Nor did Alec know, that the stranger he so much wished to leave him alone, was no one else, than the High Warlock of Brooklyn, who had rushed to the spot as soon as his keen eyes had spotted his lover's figure. Magnus was stunned and at a loss of words. Alec seemed locked in a dark place of his own mind, trapped in a hellish nightmare, albeit he was awake. And even though Magnus had tried calling his name, he had received no response, only croaked out cries, of what resembled his name. Each desperate cry was more pained that the one before, making the warlock narrow his eyes.

* * *

And for all Magnus could tell, his young lover had no idea the hoarse cries were coming from him. He seemed lost in another world, one of pain and grief. He wasn't aware of the fact that Magnus was actually hovering over him. He couldn't see, hear, or feel him… It was a heartbreaking sight, and Magnus was raking his mind, trying to find the reason why Alec was having such a severe panic attack. Why was he calling Magnus' name, wailing? Why was he wallowing in grief? The warlock shook his head, trying to come up with an answer. Alec was out of control, it was as if he had just witnessed someone very close to him die before his eyes- Oh, by the Angel… It hit Magnus then, and his cat-like eyes filled with tears…

* * *

"You think I am dead… You think the soul sword killed me…" Magnus muttered under his breath, pressing a hand on his face, ashamed beyond measure. Ashamed, because his heart stopped beating for a second, only to stumble on itself a moment later, overwhelmed by a strange feeling; a mixture of joy, unlimited affection and sadness. Alec was so devastated, but only because Magnus meant so much to him, that the mere thought of him being dead, was enough to cause him to stumble, and fall on his knees. A sharp inhale made the warlock turn his gaze on the young shadowhunter and gasp in fear. Alec could not breathe, his bottom lip was torn for he had been biting it too hard, and he was shaking like a leaf in the cold wind. Magnus pushed his own feelings aside, focusing on the man before him. Alec needed him, and Magnus would be damned if he would refuse to help his lover at this time of need.

* * *

The young man thought that he was suffocating, until firm hands moved, maneuvering him, so that he was lying on the ground. He tried to fight back, to resist, because nobody was allowed to touch him. He wanted to just wallow in his grief. That served him right. He had pushed Magnus away, the last words he had told him were not words of love, but of anger. It wasn't fair, no, God, those words couldn't be the last words he would ever say to the man he loved…

* * *

All of a sudden, moist lips touched his ear and Alec stilled, as a soft, yet trembling voice finally broke through the haze of his mind. "Alexander, darling, shh, stop fighting me, stop, calm down, calm down, Alexander, please… Please…" Alec jerked, obliging his eyes to fly open. Through the veil of his tears, the young shadowhunter could make out the shape of a man, who had sat down on the ground, and had pressed Alec's back on his chest. His hands, his well trained, yet tender hands, were lingering on Alec's chest and streams of blue magic were emerging from those thin and elegant fingers. Blue streams of energy… Painted nails… Many rings on those fingers… "M-M-Mags- Magnus-" "Shh, hush, hush my dear Alexander, I'm here, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere-" But the warlock's comforting words died in his throat, as the young man let out a sob and his heart missed several beats.

* * *

"Mags, you were—where were you, I thought you died, Mags, I failed you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Magnus, I-" The warlock let his hands roam over the young man's chest, feeling the erratic beating of his heart and the labored breaths Alec was trying to take in. Magnus was taken aback by Alec's state, and worry suddenly overrun every corner of his body. He let his eyes turn golden, all the while he focused all his energy on his hands. He placed his right hand on Alec's sternum and his left hand right above the shadowhunter's heart and let his magic flow freely. Bowing his head, Magnus let his lips find Alec's ear and spoke, careful to mask the worry and fear his tone held. Instead, he willed it to sound low, soothing.

* * *

"Alexander, darling, I'm right here, I'm here with you. Now, I need you to focus, close your eyes, let them rest…" "Mags-" "Shh, I'm here, I'm here…" Magnus coaxed, breathing a sigh of relief when Alec let his eyes flutter closed. Tears trickled down the young man's cheeks, a sight that broke the warlock's heart. "That's it, that's it darling, now, I need you to follow my voice, listen to me now. I need you to relax, and try to take in a deep breath." "Hurts, Magnus it hurts, I can't breathe, I…" Alec's frantic pile of words soon died in his throat however, because Magnus hushed the younger man. "Shh, I know it hurts darling, I know. But I am going to fix it, take the pain away, alright? Alexander, I need you to let me in, trust me, so that my magic can work." Magnus pleaded, and Alec managed a nod. He trusted the warlock with his life, with his very soul, didn't Magnus know that?

* * *

"Trust me, Alexander, trust me and breathe, breathe, darling…" Magnus muttered once again, as he conjured more healing magic, letting his hands absorb Alec's stress and inner turmoil. The young man moaned in pain, as more tears fell from his ocean blue eyes. "Follow my voice Alexander, let it all go, I'm right here…" Magnus stated through gritted teeth, as he felt all of Alec's pain, his fear of being left alone, his guilt and his immense agony. His hands started shaking, but Magnus willed them to keep working, so that his magic could actually help Alec. With an elegant move of his right wrist, the warlock gathered all of Alec's inner turmoil, holding all that energy in his grasp for a mere moment, before clapping his hands, so that it would dissolve into thin specks of dust.

* * *

The sound which emerged from the depths of Alec's throat was one of pure relief. Magnus cradled the boy's face in his hands, using his thumbs to brush the tears away. "Take in some deep breaths, come on Alec, please…" Magnus croaked out, and Alec blinked a couple of times, before obeying the warlock. He then tensed, fearing that he would be met with yet another wave of pain, but when all he felt was the much needed air entering his lungs, he couldn't help but smile, melting under Magnus' tender touch, resting his head on the warlock's shoulder. He repeated the procedure and after a while, his tears were no longer clouding his gaze, thus he could make out Magnus' frame clearly.

* * *

Alec's blue eyes widened and he prompted himself up, clinging on Magnus' forearms for balance. "Easy, easy, take it easy Alexander…" The warlock cooed, supporting his lover as he tried to get back on his feet. It took them a while, but eventually, they were standing upright, with Alec's back leaning heavily against the wall, whilst Magnus was standing a few inches away, his hands outstretched, ready to catch the young shadowhunter. Alec was still disoriented, but he somehow managed to speak. "Magnus… I, I thought… I thought—Not knowing if you were dead or alive—I've never felt this kind of fear before, ever… I was terrified…" The weak whispers were carried on by the wind, but Magnus heard them and stepped closer to his lover.

* * *

"So was I, Alec… And when I saw you on the ground, struggling to breathe…" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you-" "Darling…" Magnus muttered, letting his hands linger on each side of Alec's tear-marked face. "You never have to apologize for something like this, not to me, alright? Now, let me see your hand." Magnus coaxed, watching as the young man averted his gaze before bringing his bloodied hand forwards for the warlock to examine. Warm hands took a hold of Alec's bloody palm, and the Nephilim could only stare on the ground as he felt Magnus' magic healing his torn flesh. "Alec, look at me." It was a request, but the young shadowhunter found himself unable to comply. "Alexander…" Magnus mumbled, moving his right hand, cupping Alec's tear-marked cheek.

* * *

The Nephilim leaned into the touch, but kept his gaze on the ground. "Darling, why are you afraid to meet my eyes?" Magnus asked, but already knew that Alec hated it when his emotions were taking the better of him. "Magnus, I…" Alec swallowed hard then, and hesitantly raised his red-rimmed eyes to meet Magnus' golden ones. "If anything were to happen to you, then I would…" His fragile voice trailed off, and Magnus nestled even closer to his young lover. "I am alright, Alec, I'm not going anywhere." He reassured again, but Alec could only nod, not trusting his voice. His hands came around the warlock's back then, and in less than a blink of an eye, the high warlock of Brooklyn found himself enfolded in a tight embrace. He returned the gesture immediately, needing the confirmation that Alec was indeed alive and well.

* * *

Everything else just froze as the two held onto each other, held on, like their life was depending on it. Time lost meaning and all noise faded away, deeming into nothing, like a thin, trembling candle-flame when the wind blows. All that they cared about, was the beating of their hearts, the puffing of their breaths, and the warmth they could feel coming from their bodies. Alec let his eyes flutter closed, and breathed in deeply, taking in Magnus' scent, savoring it, letting it surround him, enter his lungs, his bloodstream, letting it overrun every corner of his, still trembling body.

* * *

"Magnus…" Alec chanted, still pounding for breath. The warlock released his favorite Nephilim from his hold, but took a hold of Alec's arms, for he needed to feel the young man close to him. "Magnus… I love you." Three words, three simple words, and yet, their echo made Magnus' eyes widen and water. His breath hitched and his heart once again stopped beating for a second. He felt something inside him falling in place then, and he met Alec's ocean blue eyes. "I love you too." Was all he answered, for that was the absolute and undoubted truth. Magnus was slightly taken aback by the intensity of the kiss that followed, but he soon gave in, responding to it, letting his lips move in time with Alec's…

* * *

It was in that moment, that the high warlock of Brooklyn was sure that his heart was flooded by a wave of endless love, which was slowly, washing the fear of loss and of loneliness, away…

* * *

And later that night, when the sun had set and the darkness had spread over the city, Magnus held Alec in his arms and made love to him, with him, making sure to show him just how much he loved him. As for Alec, he let himself feel, and see, smell and hear Magnus. He let himself feel every single touch, every caress, every hot breath, every deep thrust. He let himself hear every muffled praise, every breathy sigh and muttered whisper of pleasure. He made sure to inhale deeply, savoring the scent of Magnus' body, the scent of his sweat, of his hot, tickling breath… And when Magnus tried to glamour his cat-eyes, Alec placed a hand on his cheek, saying that he wanted Magnus to be himself, and not hide any part of him. "I love you Magnus. Every single part of you." The Nephilim reassured, gasping as he beheld those golden cat-eyes staring back at him. He got lost in them and Magnus could only smile and kiss him passionately, because no words, in no language the warlock knew, could convey the love he was feeling for Alec at that moment.

* * *

So they kissed, their bodies moving together in harmony, reaching the starts and coming back down when they finally reached their climaxes. And when it was all over, the young shadowhunter made sure to stay awake, watching Magnus drift off into a peaceful slumber, whilst his body had crawled into Alec's arms… So it was, that Alec stayed there, running his fingers through Magnus' short black hair, until the first rays of sun, lit up the sky…

* * *

 ** _THE END..._**

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 _ **A/N!**_ **_Um, so... I don't know... Was it good? Bad? Very bad? I am sorry if that's the case... I just loved them so much!  
So, until next time,_**

 ** _Love you all,  
Usagi!_**


End file.
